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Sort of back online. Going out on a limb. Might as well be literal.

w00t.

IT'S CRUMBLING DOWN AGAIN

Katon died. Disc. → 6:08 P.M.

Jul. 16th, 2008

My final report card did come in. Nothing below a B, but even that means it isn't going to end pretty. Also, my parents have seen fit to re-visit their previous 'let's ban our eldest daughter from the Internet for however long we feel like it, without any prior notice at all--because we can' habits, and the best I can do is plead and slink and try desperate measure to try and get online so I can grovel my sorry ass off to the people in charge [i.e. modly persons].

And yeah, this dumped on me along with my latest batch of issues?

I'm expecting to crack any time now.



Edit

D. Gray-Man Ch. 166:

asdfl;kjCross, you abrasive bastard. ♥

Also, the idea of Noah!Allen makes me absurdly happy and seeing the kiddy version all bitchy and stubborn and rude for some reason drives my mood to elated-slash-giddy. God, I love that kid so very much. ♥ Now this is going to make thing a lot more fun.

Happy Day~

::giggles:: Oh, I feel so wonderful right now~! I'd been so sure yesterday was going to be a disaster, but even if it'd had the makings of one at the beginning, everything turned out so nicely afterwards~

Well, my sister remembered it was my birthday--so when I woke up, it was to numerous strings and decorations and balloons strung around my bedposts, and a home-made card [though, that does it injustice; it was more like a poster board filed down and folded so it seemed smaller] with doodles and a nice little poem, just for me. It must've taken her a while to blow up all the balloons, and to get everything set. I...no matter how many times I'm convinced I genuinely hate her and want to gut the little brat, it's things like these that remind me she cares for me, somehow, despite my faults and how much I wrong her, even if she does deserve it half the time.

But what really got to me was this: "Thank you for being such a wonderful sis."

..I don't know why she tries so hard; certainly, I have little to no contact with my family, now. I can barely stand to be with them for an extended amount of time, and things inevitably fall apart after a while. But...I'm so..for the lack of a better word, stunned, that she would go through all that trouble for me.

And then, there's my dear Aleth, who was wonderful and fabulous and caring enough to draw me a picture and scan it up to send it to me--this is practically the second present I'd ever received for my birthday by an online friend, though, it could actually be the first since PF13's custom-made sprite was done for the birthday event on Yeska, except I know she doesn't really have to do it and so much work and time went into it, so I'm blissfully content with life at the moment. [ilu so much, bb~]

...and, there was one person I'd've liked to talk to, except I only got to say 'hello' to her before I was forcibly dragged off to church, despite my attempts to at least reply once to her before I was gone. A warning, even, and a failed attempt to explain. But...I get the feeling she doesn't really want to talk to me, now, so I'm hesitant on what to do from now on. I've screwed things up, I think, and I can't help but feel miserable when I imagine I've ruined one maybe-friendship already. ..but she's already got so much to deal with, right now, I imagine I'm only being a pest. Maybe I should just keep away, from now on... I'm so tempted to just pretend like nothing ever happened and see if I can chat with her again, because I want to at least distract her from her worries, even if I get ignored again and she doesn't want to talk to me. Even if that's the case, I want to at least help a bit.. It hurts so much when I think I've lost someone. Through my own stupid fault, again.

..well, there goes my mood. But I'm still sort of optimistic, and Aleth's picture cheers me right back up, if only until the next time I reminiscence. I...don't know what I'm going to do now, but I'm hoping if I just keep going forward, something'll show itself to me. I've still got wonderful people who are there for me, and I won't stop and give up, if only for them.

That seems to be happening a lot, now.

Yay~!

So many things've happened lately~ ♥

I'm supposed to make brownies in a bit, so I'll probably add more to this entry later~ But I've joined a new game, and it's so much fun to play~! ♥ I hope I'll have fun, there.
First thing in the morning and I'm accosted with 'get up you miserable wretch' and 'you're no better than an animal'.

And certain persons wonder why I have self-confidence issues.

As for good news, I have been graciously granted the chance of redeeming myself in the area of grades due to my usually too prone to rambling mouth; Mr. Stockholm offered me an opportunity to raise my grade up by re-doing all of my journal entries for his Engineering class, probably half because he likes me and the other half being that I'm usually a really good student and keep up with everything except I slipped up the last couple of weeks because of my dual Art projects and yeah.

I love my teachers so much. ♥

So, this year my sister and I didn't go to Winterfest; my parents[?] decided that it wasn't as good and educational as they thought it'd be which was the reason they'd let us go last year [this was agreed upon by several parties, among which were my youth leaders who said the quality was crumbling year by year and others] and so we were detained. Not that we [sister & I] really cared or complained about. She didn't care much for it, either, same as I, and I was also further reminded of how I didn't sleep for the x number of days we were gone--and if I did, it was an hour- that I actually did--as well as how I didn't eat anything but pure sugar [and those were sporadic, and very short-lived because we only made two stops at Gatlinburg]. There also might've been that thing where I was given an energy drink on top of my sugar intake by Mr. Chris [who did so mostly unwittingly] and terrorized the rest of the youth group, who are almost all older than me, with various different methods.

I still don't remember the incident Felicity claims had happened, but I'm willing to take her word for it, since I don't remember most of what happened anyway, if at all, around that period of time. Honestly, ranting for however long I'd did at a godforsaken hour without reason or listening to the other party [Felicity] isn't all that very shocking, given my tendency to be able to completely spazz out when a situation calls for it.

Phillip and Nathan went this time, though, as I found out from Ms. Vernice when we went to visit her earlier today. She's recently gone through surgery and is thus not supposed to move around and 'take it easy' so she doesn't get stressed, so we hadn't seen her in a while and ended up taking dinner and a card and a present for her as a 'get well soon' gift. She liked it, and we talked for a bit because she was lonely since she's almost never left alone on her own without someone else around. Like her sons.

Saw Fuzzy today, too; didn't get to say bye, because it was at a restaurant, but I gave him a hug anyway. I really need to work on those journal entries. And go to bed. Can't forget that.

I want to dream again; the ability to do so went away at approximately the time I started losing sleep and going to bed at two-something-ish and waking up at four because of stuff, which would amount to maybe three or four weeks ago. I can't do anything without inspiration, and I am clearly suffering from the lack of the above like that[those] time[s] before that I reeally don't want to relive again and crap I'm gonna stop that right there before I make it worse.

Except now it is, and I know it, and all I have to blame is myself and not listening and going to be like a good little girl should have.

...

Father's coming back home Monday; Grandmother [mother's side] is leaving on Monday. I don't know whether I'm glad or sad and it's pathetic of me and I don't know if I'm going to laugh or cry. Maybe a bit of both, with a nice helping of hysteria on the side because it makes everything taste just a bit more flavorful.



No, I am not attempting to shirk my duties, the aforementioned being replying to logs and the like for the roleplays I'm in which I can't actually really fulfill because my writing's died and Ai won't listen and she's probably disgusted and laughing at me right now, at me and my pitiful state.

awet;ljkwtewhy did you leave me? ;-;

LOOK, I'M CRYING TEARS OF BLOOD

Shit.

And everything'd been going so well lately, too.

Ah, well; it figures everything'd get screwed over sooner or later, anyhow. The reason for my whining this time around is because I figured out today that I wansn't doing so hot like I'd arrogantly assumed I was doing at school, and the chance I'm going to end up with all A's again this time around is positively microscopic, if Engineering has anything to say about it. Geometry H, Art II, and Web Design are likewise hanging on by a very thin balance, and I should probably be getting ready for the big inevitable blow-up and general lifelessness that'll follow when I get a B at the very least.

I think I'm sorta getting the hang of this 'pessimistic' and 'auto shut-down for resulting catastrophe' by now.

Must be all the practice I'm getting in the area.

On the bright side of things, earlier today wasn't so bad; the Sock-Hop or whatever the thing was called that Rai threatened me into participating for was boring, like I'd somewhat expected, but at least half of it was fun because Shawn, David, Dunkin [like-hell-I-know-how-to-spell-his-name], and Justin--among others--broke the invisible barrier that surrounds every event/dance thing which seems to magnetically repel everyone from getting to the center of the place, and brightened up the dreary place with their antics. I was too busy laughing at the side when they 'performed' to really do anything else.

Note to self: ask Brandi for the picture what's-her-name took when Nick and the rest of the guys fell into one big pile after the gay group-dancing they did. Then proceed to flaunt it in their faces and cackle maniacally.


awt;ljkwt test tomorrow for Geometry. Ugh.

Packing is Awful...

Huh.

So, after months of doing without, I finally post. Who'd've thunk?

Tch. Anyway, my sister say that I--actually she, and the rest of our family--should finally be at least sorta glad-happy that we have collegeish students who [apparently] party-slash-have people over lot of times and consequently take up part of our driveway the and rest of the street for parking space and thus make it hard to get out for neighbors [if the Lee Uni. van and my dad [sorta] knowing that is any indication.], since they have pretty fireworks. Sort of.

I can still smell the charred gunpowder [or, if that's what the things are made of, which I'm pretty sure they are] and the ash in the air from all the explosions and I think some of it's kind of seeped into my clothes slightly, no matter how little the amount, but I can't be too sure since I just came in and it's probably just my paranoia talking again because I can still smell it and almost taste the thing because of its smell and I'm just like that and I'd only been out there for a little while.

But the fireworks were worth it, I suppose, since I have a penchant for pretty things and the things lighting up my little neighborhood with so many colors and flash lights was rather nice, even with the initial crackling sounds and the explosion it goes up with 's still having my ears ringing slightly.

So, tomorrow, I'm leaving for South Korea again, and this time I'm staying there until the end of the month. I guess I should post in the roleplaying communities I'm in that my [already] irregular online patterns are just going to get even worse.

Joy. I so look forward to that.</sarcasm>

Eeh. I hate packing for long-distance trips--even though I only pack very few things other than necessities. And the [direct] plane flight's going to kill my brain dedz.